Everytime I think of you...

Every time I think of you

I think of the times I've spent with you

Every day every moment

Every laugh every tear

Every kiss every fear

Every minute every day when I think of you

I think of the time I have spent with you

All the time when you loved me

All the time when you said you did

And all the time you didn't say but you still did

I feel that love everytime I think of you

And everytime I love you more than I thought I could ever do

Every minute everyday when I think of you

I think of the time I've spent with you

The sun the rain

Every road every bylane

The pizza outlet, the coffee shop

Every game we played, every song we sang

Everything just reminds me of you

Every minute every day I think of you and the time I've spent with you

I feel you here..right here with me

Yet I feel how different it used to be

Everytime we met

Everytime we ran around that elephant

Everytime we fought over who cheated

Every sorry I said for being late yet again

Every time I think of you

I think of the time I've spent with you

You make me happy

You make me cry

You make me love

You make it so special for me to remember..every hello and every bye

Every minute every day when I think of you

I think of the time I've spent with you

And every time I smile and think

That times going to be back very soon, when I'll b back with you yet again :)

Vegetarian (yet) again!

Am vegetarian again:)))And I feel great about it. The only things I didn't quite want to give up were the chicken flavoured noodles which were yummy(obviously with all the Indian masalas I add and cheese of course) and yeah definitely very instant and economical and eggs, which again were very yummy, economical, easy to make and my favourites. But surprisingly it turned out that the chicken 'flavoured' noodles were just flavoured and thus 'suitable for vegetarians' and eggs..I don't miss them at all. So alls good yet:) The only thing I will miss out on are the amazing eco meals at Burger King and Mc Donalds but I don't mind spending a little more to buy myself a veggie burger and then I still have veggie delight at Subway(which surprisingly again is better than the one we got in India because of the yummy toppings). So Happy Vegetarianism to me. Enjoy eating:)

BRISTOL

A small(not so small but yeah compared to Delhi, very small) city in UK is my new home now. I loved it the very first day I stepped into the city. Its busy yet quite, its tidy yet not inhumanly clean, its pretty..that too naturally, it has no huge concrete buildings, lined up with cafes and pubs, beautiful churches and parks, small kebab shops, yummy looking supermarkets(am a fan of Sainsburrys now), yummmy milk and yogurts and of course The Wills Memorial..every time you see it(I see it everyday..at least twice), it seems prettier and grander..especially against the sky..it looks marvelous and you'd be lucky to see it with the moon in the background. Bristol has started my new love affair with the sky and the moon(which I hardly get to see these days because of the clouds). They look beautiful here..theres just something about it..the moon sparkles here and I have the best view of it from my room window and I miss no opportunity to flaunt it. ;)

This is just the place I wanted to be in..just the kinda city I dreamt of..I always named my dream city to be London but I know now..it always was Bristol...I love the place..totally.:) Its just the place where you can live forever because its a perfect blend of city life and the silent village life you would want.

My first day here and I was shocked..all the shops shut at 5.. thats when we stepped out to shop in Delhi but it was different here.very different.. everyone respects the fact that everyone else has a family and the importance of spending time with them. Its beautiful how people love people here..they respect mankind..they respect life and they enjoy and relish every day of their lives. Everyone smiles at everyone else on the streets, people exchange 'hellos' and 'what a beautiful day it is' with absolute strangers...just the way I always wanted to(they would think I'm mad if I did this in Delhi), if you are not having a good day..you'll suddenly come across a beautiful old lady walking on Park Street(which is tremendously uphill..esp when you are late for class!!) with a smile and she'll suddenly give you the best and the brightest smile and brighten your day up..even better..you'll be suddenly stopped by a man whos won some contest on the mobile just because he wants to share how ecstatic he is about it with you..just like it happens in Wonderland. :) Everyone is treated equally here,with equal love and respect..rich-poor, old-young, pretty-not so pretty..everyone. Its a lovely place and I love it. :)

People are so honest and true to what they do..its amazing. There is genuine trust between people..between buyers and sellers, between teachers and students, between people in general. I was once charged extra at Sainsburrys for some items which I hadn't actually bought and on checking the invoice I realised the goof up and thought I had lost my 2.50 pounds(its not as small as it seems..heheheheh)..yet I decided to take chance and went to Sainsburrys(I ran on Park Street..the uphill street..because it was a Sunday and it closes at 6 pm and I realised only at 5:45..late as always)..all I had to do was tell the customer care official and the amount was debited back to my card(by the way I have my own card now..debit..but still..my first card!!). All the arguments and counter arguments I had prepared in my head to get my money back went to waste..but believe me I wasn't complaining.. I was amazed and being a Delhite the first thing that struck me was..whoopp..I should have said there were more items in invoice which were billed incorrectly and got extra money back[;)] but thats when I realised the mutual trust that people here share.

Another funny incident I remember is when we went shopping to ASDA and our cashier asked us if we were Indians(Neha, Pranay and me) and we said yeah we are with a huge smile on our faces..we asked where he was from and he said Lahore and I was sooo happy to hear that..I always wanted to go to Lahore and eat there on their food street..lottts of yummmy food in the middle of the night(eventhough I have again given up non veg for now and am quite happy about it) and I told him that..to which he replied..do you guys understand punjabi..we said yeahhh and he said "Jeene Lahore nahi vekheya te oone ki vekhya" and for some reason I was so happy after hearing that..that made my day and I instantly wanted to call dad and tell him because of the enthusiasm we both share about going to Lahore and eating there and I did that the following morning. :))))

I always knew and I believed that I would never miss home or anyone back home ever and to some extent that really is the case..I haven't been homesick even once since I've come here and thats also because of the way our parents have brought us up..with the attachment with detachment method(not sure what that actually means) but there are weak sundays that we all have when we think Oh the paranthas I could have had if I was home..there are those moments when on skype(without sounding all dramatic) you see your own bed all empty (and clean!!!) and you just wish you could sit their again...there are times when you remember that one peculiar road you travelled on..some place as insignificant as Naraina or anywhere..the house in Panchsheel you crossed every time you had to go to nani's house, the uncle at The Mother Dairy booth, your neighbour who you never really liked...I miss no one in particular(?almost no one) but at times you just miss the life you led for 22 years and of course the yummmyy food you ate..the comfort of staying at home but I love it here..I love being on my own, cooking my own food, buying my own grocery, cleaning my own room, doing my laundry(not so much), making my own choices.. I love my space here .

I love this place and I love my life here.:)

GOOD(??) MORNING!!

Early mornings are anything but Good,
I thought to myself as I stepped out of the blanket and stood.
Mom's endless wake up calls I get,
Turn into howls when they are not met.
Threats like 'I'll never wake you up again',
When not responded to make her go insane.
Pulling off the blanket to get me out of bed,
'You are getting late' is whats always said.
'Put on the geyser', I shout hiding below,
Not letting anyone break my unending sleep's flow.
Five minutes more, thats all I need,
Give them to me and do your day's first good deed.
Ruchi joins in to make me feel like the world's coming to an end,
Just a little more peace, thats all I need you to lend.
As I lay in bed staring at the world around me,
I'm met with eyes which are quite scary.
'If you are up, then get out of bed',
They know I won't, still everyday its said.
'The green light in the geysers on',
Endlessly Ruchi shouts unless I'm gone.
Its just a geyser you need to understand,
It won't spark off, its from a good brand.
'You like always are going to be late',
Big deal!!The world can wait.

Don't be such a creep,
Just let me sleep.
Its important to me,
To sleep like I'm free.
Remember every morning when you shout to wake me up,
You too are 'me' when you ask for 5 more minutes and the morning tea cup.

Every morning I wonder what wrong I've done,
The only one happy in the morning I guess is the Sun.
'Just rise a little late',its a plea,
Please please please...do this for me!!

NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE???!!

This is about my maid who like many others is a victim of domestic violence and much more.

I am your wife,
With you I've spent long years of my life,
Today when you show me the knife,
I wonder if this is what all my life I did strife.

When you throw me off the bed,
With anger your face turning red,
You don't even care if I've bled,
I wonder to this what has led.

As you push me down the stairs,
I really wonder if theres anyone who cares,
Not even those who've witnessed this unending nightmare,
As I was raped off my pride layer by layer.

I work all day to make ends meet,
In dust, chill or the scorching heat.
Why then this is the way you treat(me),
I wonder as I walk down the street.

You never loved me for what I was,
Sex, for marriage was the only cause.
I still slept with you everyday,
Even when I knew I was not your only prey.

Not once have I asked you Why,
Because I know you are going to lie.
Drinking is an excuse for you to beat me up.
I am filled with anguish like tea to the brim of the cup.

I earned for us to survive,
I don't know how I was so naive.
All that I earned was spent by you to drink,
Even before I could blink.

When I worked late to make a cut,
You didn't think twice before calling me a slut.
When I earned a little more,
You conveniently labelled me a whore.

I don't know behind closed doors what you did with your daughter,
When she walked out, her soul was slaughtered.
In you a father, she never had,
But I'd never imagined things could ever get so bad.

I'd promised myself that my daughters won't go through this ever,
I'd forgotten that a woman can promise never.
Their life is what their man will make it to be,
Whether its good, bad or ugly.

I don't know what went wrong and where,
I don't know why lifes not fair.
I don't know what brought us here,
I don't know why noone cares.

As I walked with a bruise on my eye,
There were questions all over, Not again!! Why??!
I wondered if again I should lie,
But this time I just began to cry.

I don't know whats keeping me here,
Its definitely not love, I wonder if its fear.
I show am strong,but you've ripped me apart,
You've not just broken, but have crushed my heart.

I am not going to ask you not to beat me,
I am not going to fall down on my knees,
I am not going to take away your priveldges of being a 'He',
All I'm going to do is set myself free.

LETS GO!

Lets go have a yumm shake,
Lets go have a niceee and chocolatttyyy cake,
Lets go where no ones fake,
Lets go where all that I want,thy let me take,
Lets go,a place like this we need to make.

Lets go where I can sleep as long as I like,
Lets go where I don't have to understand people's Psyche.
Lets go where no one goes on a strike,
Lets go where everyone rides a simple bike.

Lets go where there are the world's best cooks,
Lets go where I can take a year to read a book,
Lets go where no one cares how you look,
Lets go where no one asks you to return what you once took.

Lets go where you don't gain any weight,
Lets go where no one complains when you are late,
Lets go where theres nothing that I hate,
Lets go where you can celebrate regardless of the day or date.

Lets go where I don't have to think of what I do,
Lets go where there are lots of public women's loos,
Lets go where I can go out without wearing shoes,
Lets go where theres lotttss of chocolate mousse.

Lets go where I can stay wrapped up in blanket all day,
Lets go where people mean what they say,
Lets go where on the beach in the sun you can lay,
Lets go where you can shop without having to pay.

Lets go where my house overlooks the beautiful sea,
Lets go where I can always be me,
Lets go where it doesn't matter if you are a He or She,
Lets go where to good health, happiness is the only key.

Lets go where someone cooks me yummy breakfast,
Lets go where being fit is not always a must,
Lets go where its ok for a table to be covered in dust,
Lets go where people can easily trust.

Lets go where no one tells me whats right or wrong,
Lets go where someone can sing me my favourite songs.
Lets go where everything has lottss of cheese in it,
Lets go where regardless of what you eat, you always remain fit.

Lets go where there is no crime,
Lets go where I can have lots of ice cream soda with lime,
Lets go where no one cares about time,
Lets go where everything you say rhymes. ;-)

I DON'T...

I have always known that in 1984, the riots killed thousands of sikhs. But for me it was always just an event which happened once upon a time. I have always known and believed what happened was wrong and theres nothing that could justify it but it has always been about moving on. Today as I write I have a doubt in my head, why is this affecting me so much. Is it because thousands of people died or because thousands of 'sikhs'died. Is it about humainty or religion? On thinking a little more, I am convinced beyond doubt that when these riots were repeated in Gujarat years later, I was affected in the same way. Pictures of men being killed in 1984 or 2002 leave me equally numb. I now know I am sad not because sikhs died but because thousands of men lost their lives. I am sad because families were destroyed in a way they still haven't recovered. I am sad because it could have been my father or uncle. I am sad that it can be one of us even now. And I am sad that I also for a moment thought about 'religion'.



I don't know what to do, where to look, whom to ask.
I feel I am being pulled.
I try to keep myself away from religion but I feel I'm being drawn into it.
I am scared because I feel lonely and weak in my territory.
I don't know what to do,
I don't know where to go.
I don't know who to believe.

I am scared and disgusted with myself
I don't want to believe I need a movie to wake me up to reality
I don't want to step out of this reality.
I don't want to believe I'm becoming cold to everything,
I don't want to believe I don't want to accept it.
I don't know now if moving on is good or not.
I don't know where to go
I don't know whom to ask.
I don't know where to look.

I don't want to cry and feel sad about what happened,
I don't want to be indifferent towards those whom its saddened.
I don't want to feel that I should do something,
I don't want to realise that I can't.
I don't want people to think I'm sensitive,
I don't want them to think I'm cold.
I don't want people to know what i feel,
I don't want people not to know.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know who to ask.
I don't know where to go.

I don't want to believe what happened had to happen,
I don't want to believe it was their destiny.
I don't want to think everything is fair,
I don't want to believe everything is not.
I don't want to believe things are getting better now,
I don't want to believe they are getting worse.
I don't want to believe this is real,
I don't want to believe it happened.
I don't want to believe it won't happen again,
I don't want to believe it may.
I don't want to believe I was saved,
I don't want to believe I will be.
I don't want to believe I am going to forget,
I don't want to remember.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to look.
I don't know whom to ask.

I don't want to not know,
I don't want to know that I don't.
I don't want to believe You were asleep when it happened,
I don't want to believe it happened when you were awake.
I don't want to believe you won't protect me if it happens again,
I don't want to believe you will.
I don't want to believe you let it happen then,
I don't want to believe you won't this time.
I don't want to believe things will remain the same,
I don't want to believe they'll change.

I don't want to believe anyone now,
I don't want to believe I don't.
I don't know where to look,
I don't know whom to ask,
I don't know where to go,
I don't know who to believe.

DEATH OF AN INNOCENT

I went to a party mom, I remembered what you said,
You told me not to drink,Mom, so i drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside Mom,the way you said I would,
I didn't drink and drive Mom, even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you were always right,
Now, the party is finally ending, Mom, as everyone is driving out of sight.
As I get into the car, Mom,I knew I'd get home in one piece,
Because of the way you raised me, Mom,so responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom, and hit me like a load.
As I lay here on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say,
The other guy is drunk, Mom, and now I am the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom, I wish you'd get here soon,
How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine,
I hear the medic say,Mom, I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you Mom,I swear I didn't drink,
It was the others Mom, the others who didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I,
The only difference is he drank and I will die.

Why do people drink Mom?It can ruin your whole life.
I am feeling sharp pains now, pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking Mom,and i don't think its fair,
I am lying here dying and all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry Mom,tell daddy to be brave.

And when I go to heaven Mom,put daddy's girl on my grave.
Someone should have told him Mom, not to drink and drive,

If only they had told him Mom, I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter Mom, I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me Mom, when I needed you,you were always there.
I have one last question,Mom, before I say good bye,
I didn't drink and drive Mom,then why am I the one to die?

I read this poem in my school magazine when I was in third grade and since then I have it with me,rather it has just stayed with me since that day always and all the time. This just says it all..its simple,yet so powerful.

Its a good year..beyond doubt!:-)

Well this new year definitely rocks!!My besssssssst new year thanks to my sister who gifted me(surprise) four new DVDS!!!!! Thats definitely the best new year gift..rather any gift i could have asked for and she has more than made up for ditching me and leaving me alone at home with mom..who is busy watching tv on New Years eve.

And well my second post in 10 minutes..wow!!this year surely rocks!!

Thank you thank you Thank you god!!!

Happpppppy New Year once again!:-)